Fifty-three today xx

Today would be my Daddy's 53rd birthday... 

 

 

It is the strangest, saddest feeling, knowing that he isn't here for his own special day :( 
I clearly remember his last birthday and although he was struggling, he was full of jokes and smiles.  He had a cruel lung disease plus a swag of other ailments trying to hold him back - but he kept going for so long!  On his last birthday he was JUST starting to suffer from hypoxia (lack of oxygen to the brain) and was getting his words muddled up.  At the time we weren't exactly sure what it was, and were worried that he had maybe had another small stroke or something.  It was probably one of the worst things I had seen him deal with as although his body had been failing him for years, his mind was as sharp as a tack.  He was funny, witty, clever, wise.  To hear him saying things that didn't make sense and see him struggle in frustration was just heartbreaking.  Five and a half weeks later he was gone... 

 

Today I am trying not to think about him passing away.  I'm trying not to think of the sad stuff, the bad stuff, the gut wrenchingly heartbreaking stuff.  But it's hard!  I know some people may wonder why I would want to 'celebrate' his birthday.  Why wouldn't I?  Without his birthday he never would of been here.  I never would of been here.  We never would of been able to share the beautiful bond we had.  A lot of people remember the day someone passes and do special things on that day.  I'm not sure I want to do that.  I'm not even sure that I can.  I haven't had to think about it yet as that time has not yet come for us.  For now I know that I would much rather give thanks for his birth and the wonderful years he was here, rather than remember the day he left and all the feelings associated with it.

 

I had to try and think about what I could do on this special day, Dad's birthday.  I wanted to do something worthwhile that could potentially help someone else.  After a bit of thought, giving blood sounded like a great option.  And it was on my list of things to do!  I have always wanted to give blood (my Daddy also had a blood disease) but due to numerous tattoos, I had never been able to when I thought of it.  My last ink was in March last year and my next one is booked in for next month, so today was the perfect time!  You now only have to wait 6 months after being inked to give blood by the way.  Check out the other criteria at the Red Cross website.  I was feeling a little anxious about the whole thing as everyone I spoke to or asked to come along, either couldn't give blood for some reason, or was too scared of needles.  A big thanks to one of my girlfriends Roxy for offering to come along.  In the end we couldn't get the same appointment time, but she still came and gave blood today :) 
 

  When I arrived I filled out some forms and then had an 'interview' with a lovely lady (in fact all of the ladies were lovely!).  She tested my blood for haemoglobin and I almost cried when it identified that the levels were too low - I really wanted to donate today!  She offered to take another sample of blood from my arm and said it had to be atleast 120 otherwise I would have to wait 6 months.  So I went and hopped in the chair, with butterflies in tummy, and hoped for the best.  She took my blood and put it in the little machine... 120!  Yay!  Dead on what I needed, so I was happy.  From here all went well with the donation process, and I left feeling good.  Thanks to my friend Lisa (who works there) for chatting to me throughout the process!  I strongly urge anyone who can give blood to do so because donations are much needed.  I actually booked in my next appointment for 4 weeks time to donate plasma!  Number 5 on my list to donate blood - tick!

 

 

 Today I also decided to register to become an organ donor.  Once again it is something that I had thought about for a long time.  In the early stages of my Dad's illness, he was on the list for a double lung transplant.  I often wonder how different things would be if he received it...  He soon was taken off the list as there were too many things that could go wrong due to his condition.  I still remember the day ,sitting around the table with the table with the family, when he told us the news.  That little glimmer of hope had been snatched away...  Anyway, since then I often thought about organ donation.  Obviously the idea that you could save another peron's life is amazing.  Unfortunately there were a lot of things that scared me about it too - selfish, but true!  What would my family think?  What if I needed all my bits for the afterlife (whatever that is)?  How would it effect me if I was in an accident - would they still treat me like someone who wasn't an organ donor.  How would it effect my loved ones - would I look different at my funeral one day, would it delay the funeral and cause more sadness to my family when that day comes?  Silly I know, but honestly this is all the stuff I have thought about in the past. I decided to research it a bit more and was happy with the info I found.  I signed up online with the Australian national register and am now feeling proud that maybe one day I can give the gift of life - how amazing would that be? :)  Donate Life Week is coming up at the end of this month so again I urge you all to take a look at the Donate Life website and start talking to your loved ones about it.

 

The final thing I did today in honour of my Daddy, was write a poem.  Now I am certainly no poet and it has been years since I have written anything but this just sort of came to me.  Dad loved poetry and was a beautiful writer himself.  I originally looked on the net for a poem but couldn't find one that summed things up right for me.  However, I was inspired by a couple of different poems and even borrowed a verse from one - I hope they don't mind! ;)  The rest was all me though.  All from my heart.  All for him... 

Happy birthday Daddy xxx

If I wrote a story,
It would be the greatest ever told.
Of a kind and loving Daddy,
Who had a heart of gold.
 

I could write a million pages
But still not be able to say,

Just how much I love and miss you
Every single day.
 

I miss everything about you;

Your smile, your face, your hands.

I miss your one of a kind humour

And just how much you cared.
 

Today was the big day
53 years ago,
You were born into this world
Bringing a super special glow.
 

A smart and humble man,

The wisest I ever knew.

You encouraged everything I did,

And always said ‘I love you’.
 

So full of love for us
With laughter so funny and loud,
We think of you every day
You’ll always make us proud.
 

A thousand words won't bring you back,

I know because I've tried.

Neither will a million tears,

I know because I've cried.
 

I’ve said a million prayers

Even though I’m not religious.

On dandelions and shooting stars

I’ve made a million wishes.
 

Each wish is for the same thing

but they never will come true,

To bring you home, turn back time

And give me one more hug with you.
 

Remembering you is easy

I do it every single day,

But missing you is so very hard

The heartache doesn’t fade…
 

I was your butterfly princess,

And you were the first man I ever loved.

It’s heartbreaking to no longer have you here

But I hope you’re somewhere close above.
 

Daddy, I hope you’re watching.
I hope you’re looking down.

I hope you know what’s happening
Even though you’re not around.
 

Today is your birthday

And of course you’re in my prayers.
I’m sending loving birthday wishes
To you, my Daddy, my special angel upstairs xx.

What a week!

Well, this week has been unlike any other in my life, and one that I never want to see again.  Aussie day weekend brought us storms, torrential rain, tornadoes and the biggest flood in Bundaberg's history!  I will talk more about the flood in a separate post, but for now I just wanted to quickly update my blog with where I am at with my list.

Firstly, very sadly, due to the floods the dance classes I was super excited about starting (#8 on the list) have been postponed until further notice.  The lady that owns the dance academy also owned a local hairdressing salon that has been devstated by the floods, aswell as losing two halls that were used for classes.  My thoughts are with her and the thousands of others effected.  Hopefully classes can start again soon - I will keep you posted!

Number 28 on my list was to learn how to play a harmonica!  I'm sure you are asking yourself why.  Well, I LOVE to learn new things.  I also love music.  When I decided I wanted to learn something completely different, it seemed like a logical choice to learn how to play an instrument!  Don't you think!? ;)  I love acoustic/soul/blues and just adore the sound of the harmonica, plus I thought it would be really easy - I quickly realised it wasn't!  I received my harmonica in the post on 22/01/13 after ordering from an online music shop.  I was so excited to get it and quickly started scouring you tube and google for some very basic lessons.

The hardest part is getting your mouth in the right position to blow the air into the holes properly and trying to feel the holes so you don't have to pull it away to look at the little engraved numbers. It's definitely going to take a lot of practice!  The first song I am learning to play is Somewhere Over the Rainbow - one of my all time fav songs.  I will write about my progress another time ;)

 

Due to the very unfortunate circumstances in Bundaberg lately (with the floods) I have actually been able to tick two more items off my list.  Number 22 - help a stranger, and number 29 - encounter a new animal.  Before the main flooding in town occurred, we received a LOT of rain!  At the time we were at our friends place in Moore Park (about 15 min out of town) celebrating Aussie day.  Their place tends to flood if we have a couple of days of heavy rain, and by that afternoon their whole road was well and truely flooding.  Throughout that night we got hammered by a huge storm and damaging winds, waking to find their property was knee deep in water.  When we were walking between the shed and house (moving some items) hubby spotted a furry creature struggling in the water.  Without thinking too much, he quickly plucked it to safety!  I had no idea what it was, but soon was told it was a bandicoot!  I had never seen one before and instantly fell in love.  It was very gentle and placid and seemed almost grateful to have been saved.

 

Thanks to our friends, and hubby willing the little guy to survive, we were able to keep him in a blanket tucked in an old bookshelf under the house that was safe from the rising water.  He stayed there for 2 days and nights before venturing back out on his own.  He was soooo cute! Encounter a new animal - tick!

 

Number 22 on my list was to help a stranger.  When I added this to my list, I had no idea how I was going to do it, but I wanted it to be good.  Little did I know we were about to find ourselves in a declared state of emergency right here in Bundaberg.  As soon as we were able to get home (after being stuck on the wrong side of the bridge for 6 days) I had to do something to help - as did thousands of others.  We spent Friday helping one of our best friends gut and clean their home after the flood waters swallowed it up.  On Saturday I was exhausted!  I have a dodgyback and after heavy lifting and scrubbing the day before, it was not very happy with me :/  Instead of helping a stanger clean their home, I decided to help lots of strangers!  I went to the supermarket and then got to work (with help from my best friend) making over 100 lunch packs with cold drinks.  I had decided I would go around East Bundaberg handing out food and drinks to those busy cleaning out their homes - many of which had lost everything!  An absolutely devastating sight I must say :(  My friend Kylie came along to help me and we just couldn't believe some of what we saw.  Despite how many of the people we visited that day must have felt, they were all extremely grateful for our gesture and were smiling and appreciative of us coming by.  It was very heart warming.

 

The next day we headed back over north to take our mate his clothes we had saved and washed from the flood, plus take some supplies over. By this stage a lot of people were busy busy making food to take over for residents and helpers. I was originally going to take more lunch packs over to hand out also but decided to drop it off to one of the local churches that was distributing it instead. Rather than taking the food over, I made up some essential suplies packs including things like toothpaste, deoderant, soap, etc for a few people that had lost everything. I hope it provided them with one less thing to worry about in that moment...  Help a stranger - tick!

So, after a big week (and ticking off a few things from my list) I am looking forward to a little less eventful weekend this weekend!  We personally weren't directly effected by the flood or storms and we are so very very grateful for that.  Flood waters were approx 2-3 blocks from our home and a tornado whipped past about 2 blocks on the opposite side.   Unfortunately thousands of others weren't so lucky, including a number of people we know.  Our hearts and thoughts are with everyone in our community at this time.  It's going to take a long time, but Bundy will be back on it's feet soon enough.  Make sure you stay safe and tell your loved ones exactly how special they are to you xx.